So I set out today to do two sessions of jiu jitsu back to back. Mostly because I felt it was a good atonement for not going to the 7AM class and I thought 2 classes was better than one if I had a whole evening to kill.
The first class went great and I felt strong throughout. I had a great training partner and really got a good workout in.
Then when class ended and we needed to hustle to line up and begin warm ups for the second class, I realized I felt pretty spent. As in, I could have left right then and felt like I had done a great workout for the day. No guilt.
But, I stayed.
Warm ups during the second class sucked. I tried to drink as much water as I could, but nothing helped. I could barely bridge my hips to do a collar tie escape and when we actually started rolling, I just got my ass kicked, savagely might I add, repeatedly.
I didn’t sub a single person in the second class. I could barely hold position on dudes much smaller than me. It was humbling. Honestly, I’m not sure if my technique wasn’t up to snuff or if I was just too tired to execute what I know to keep out of trouble. One dude in particular took advantage of my weakness and really embarrassed me over and over again, intentionally. To the point where other dudes in the class told him to take it easy. Yeah… pretty humiliating.
All ego aside, I’m glad I went. I’m glad I put myself through it. I’ve done two classes in a row before, several times. I felt tired, but never so haggard that I couldn’t even put up a fight.
All it makes me realize is that I’m so far from where I want to be in this practice. I need to be able to win these encounters, even if I’m tired, even if I’m injured.
I left feeling like a piece of shit, no ego left. Just a sore son of a bitch.
But I’m grateful for it all. I’m grateful I got to learn what I learned tonight. I’m grateful I didn’t give up and I’m grateful that other dudes stood up for me when I needed it.
Back to it. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.