Symmetry is interesting to me, however it exists in numerous examples in nature and my own life and the clean cut ways of having your shit together in culturally or age acceptable ways doesn’t always seem like the best option. Especially when you’ve got lots of potential, options yet a lack of solid plans.
Mixing and matching is fun for me. When I see lots of different options being made available to me, it sometimes pains to me to pick just one. Obviously I need to pick just one of certain things in life (I guess), but overall I don’t see this as an overarching theme for me.
I’m still interested in doing lots of different things with my career and personal life and the more I meet amazing, interesting, driven people (as I have over the last few weeks).
A few months ago I told a select few friends that I wanted to take off and teach English overseas. Anyone who’s known me for any amount of time wouldn’t be surprised that I would want to do this, however I kept it a secret from my employer and people of influence in that sphere. Why? Well, thanks to an awesome friend who told me all about her experience spending a long time overseas teaching English, I was able to surmise that my situation would be perfect for taking off for a while to a foreign land, specifically South Korea, to bankroll some money and do what I’m natural at; seek adventure.
However, I had desired to do this on my own terms. I was planning on quitting my job for better or worse come this Fall and taking off to South Korea for my planned trip. Then the unexpected happened that seemed to throw a monkey wrench in my plans; two close family members of mine became quite ill and shortly thereafter, I was laid off from Brazen Careerist after a downsizing. These things happen, however my plans for the Fall adventure were put on ice it seemed because suddenly I had no idea where I’d be come that time.
Since getting laid off I’ve put major energy into figuring out where the jobs are in the country that I’d like and that I’d be good at. I’ve also put lots of thought into where I’d actually want to live, compared to my situation of landing in Madison, a place I don’t care for at all, for a job I really wanted.
I’ve figured a lot of things out like where I’d like to live, where I wouldn’t want to live, what jobs I absolutely won’t do and how little pay I’d actually accept for my “ideal” situation… and all of these considerations lead me to a relatively powerless position. I’m still at the mercy of the hiring managers that I continually reach out to and express interest in. Does this represent what my strengths are? Am I doing everything I can to better my position? These questions have flooded my brain lately and I can’t justify leaving anything off the table anymore.
So, to add onto my already colorful lists of options, I’m going to apply for English teaching jobs overseas. The opportunity to travel and launch myself completely out of my comfort zone once more appeals to me more than I’d like to admit. Might I take a setback overall in my marketing career compared to my contemporaries who are getting higher salaried, higher profiled jobs and founding successful businesses? Sure! Do I care about where I lie in relation to them in the grand scheme of my overall mission in life to live well? No, frankly I wish them the best, but I don’t really care what they do and where I relate to them.
Regardless of what some hack bloggers and pundits think, putting my real thoughts and stories out there has helped me continuously to work through intense ideas that bubble up to the surface of my mind as absolute truth, only to be eventually shredded apart through rigorous discourse.
My rubix cube is nowhere near solved yet. The sides colors do not match and I’m not sure if they ever will entirely. However, if I do as I please and help people along the way, I still win and spare myself the foolish effort of trying to slam my square peg through a round hole.
If I wind up landing a sweet job before flying off to a foreign land in a half-baked attempt to shake off my quarter century rust then so be it. But, this holding pattern simply doesn’t suit the fashion of my life’s design.